Hawaii, Owyhee...uh, Böglands (The Final Chapter)

 

Photo Credit: Kip

The light from another morning begins gently assaulting my eyelids, so my comatose body instinctively begins to burrow like a worm, forcing my face into a loose amalgam of swaddled-up fleeces and t-shirts - the makeshift pillow I build every night (because I forgot my pillow). My liver has never really had to metabolize alcohol on a regular basis, so feeling ambushed, it grudgingly does its work to restore what passes as my typical chemical balance, asking only that I be still and unconscious.


A sort of peripheral consciousness jury-rigged by my ears informs me that Kip and Rico are rooting around in their vehicles for implements of destruction, lug nut wrenches, jack handles, hammers, and pry bars, anything that might steal a geode from the grasp of its mother.


My liver is not the only organ of mine that is being taxed. Evidently, a significant portion of my neurons were slaughtered near the end of yesterday and synaptic first responders are desperately trying to rewire decimated transmission lines and repurpose some of the few mental structures that are left standing in a bid to reestablish my baseline reality. It is becoming ever clearer to me that whales cannot float…well, they can’t float on air… especially not in a landlocked desert canyon.


The noise entities that are Kip and Rico begin to fade. Now the aural soundscape is mostly leaves whispering in the dawn breeze and an occasional rock tumbling down a scree slope. Now and then a distant shout of garbled vowels and consonants conveys directions or advice… or exclamations. Now and then heavy metal objects clang and vibrate as they smash into rocks.


The last time I partook in a harvest of geological booty, was with Kip and Rico back in 2018 when we visited Oregon’s sunstone capital (near Plush, OR).

 

While the hunt for sunstones contains all the joys of hunting for Easter Eggs (minus the dying of, hiding of, and eating of), not having any conception of what to do with them once you obtain them makes them something of a conundrum for me. In desperation, I used my sunstones to bedazzle, Elton John style, a pair of old reading glasses. The resulting fashion accessory works better as an exaggerated narrative than an actual art piece.

 

As the sounds of Kip and Rico began to recede and morph into the form of distant echos, the fear of ‘missing out’ finally motivates me to resurrect myself from the oblivion of sleep. I squirm out of my rain-fly and begin picking my way up the slope, relearning how to walk. As the angle of the slope becomes more severe, I alternate my route between slippery burnished dirt and teetering slabs of scree depending on which is most likely to give my steps more purchase.

 

 

I ran into Kip as he worked his way along the rocky columns that thrust out from the top of the scree skirts. He was already coming back from the high cave we had all seen last night, and his report did nothing to dissuade me from seeing it for myself.

 

It was kind of like, I imagine, seeing the pyramids after the tombs had been ransacked - or a jawbone after all the teeth had been pulled out. But then, that isn’t quite fair. There were geode-shaped cavities, of course, but there was also still a wealth of geode matrix lying in wait for anyone with a geologist’s hammer or shaped C-4 charges.

 

I looked carefully at the pockmarked surfaces and while I wasn’t sure what the mechanism was for the formation of concentric spheres, at least I could see hints of how minerals leeched into the structures and consolidated over time.

 

I absolutely would not return here without a rock pick.

 

Uncle Rico placed a modest collection of various geodes on the picnic table. He had found a distinctive black one and a distinctive white one and arranged it all to conjure an ad-hoc yin-yang symbol. I was beginning to feel pangs of envy regarding his metaphorical-capable artifacts but got distracted by the salsa and avocado leftovers that hinted that tacos, at one time, must have existed here. Synapses sputtered and fired, but clearly, there were holes in my memory.

At this point, Rico began trying to sell the idea that we should go off-road to investigate an anomaly he had observed during the approach to Succor Creek the day before. But all I could think about was the horrifying possibility that I had missed a taco dinner. I mean, you wouldn’t just slice up a plate of avocados and fork the bits into your mouth. You’d obviously use the avocado to dress a taco. Right?

 

But Rico, oblivious to my distress, kept describing an unnatural black line he’d seen in the hills across a broad valley. Rico felt certain that whatever the black line was, it was a man-made feature. “It’s probably a fence or wall.” He said, “But it’s definitely an ‘unknown’ that we should investigate as we explore these mysterious Böglands.”

Here we go again, I thought.

Whatever!

I was busy focusing on the half empty can of salsa while half listening to Rico. It seemed he somehow attributed this mystery-wall to local baguettes. That made about as much sense as calling the Owyhee Canyon Lands the Böglands (No bogs…and not all that many bugs).

When Kip turned out to be enthusiastic about exploring Rico’s mysterious Bögland’s anomaly, I wasn’t a bit surprised. Besides, I have to admit that I was curious about the supposed connection between long, thin, French bread and unidentified landscape features. GPS data was quickly consulted and we soon set out in our two vehicle convoy, leaving Kip’s tent as a marker to reserve our spot at the campground.

 

We resumed the familiar neck shimmying rhythm of high-suspension vehicles lurching left to right - consenting to swaths of time during which we resembled nothing so much as bobble-head toys.

 

The convoy came to a stop at the base of a long stone fence made of the fractured native stones that lay scattered across the hillside. The rocks appeared to be stacked on each other in a haphazard fashion. There was no evidence of any dressing of the stones, or even really any fitting. Nor was there any distinguishable mortar.

Rico popped out of his Jeep and walked around to the back. He raised the hatch, which, stuck wide open, served as a lone spot of shade for him as he rummaged through an ice-chest.

“What does this have to do with baguettes?” I asked.

“Not baguettes,” He replied as he handed out ice-cold beers, “Basques.”

 

In the late eighteen hundreds Basques, immigrants from Southwest Europe, were so numerous in Jordan Valley that it was called “The Home of the Basques” (In fact, the handball court I thought I saw when we drove into town was really a Pelota Court built by local Basques in 1917). A significant portion of them, the immigrants who arrived after an initial rush of gold prospectors, made their living farming and raising sheep.

Presumably, then, the fence we walked was an artifact of early immigrant farmers, who combined the task of clearing their fields with marking boundaries and limiting the movement of sheep and other livestock. The stone fences stretched for miles, and I suppose the barbed-wire sections we surveyed were later additions that offered a less labor-intensive solution to stacking stones.

Occasionally I’ll bid a small job, something like painting a bathroom, and when all is said and done, I’ll find that my original estimate was very accurate. But as I stand along the stone fence and watch it curve up out of sight beyond the distant hilltop, I find I can’t even hazard a guess on hours required, or even the size of the crew. I get the keen sense that the people who built these fences could never have imagined a future in which it would have been possible to spend a day on a comfy sofa binging a season of a favorite television series.

Rico and Kip, clambering ahead on legs decades younger than mine, reach yet another false summit and determine they’ve explored as far as they need to and rest. I’m lagging behind, intentionally laying out a path of exaggerated switchbacks as I weave between stubbly clumps of grass. I’m doing all I can to avoid planes that are anything but level. The exercise is what I need. The sun squeezes the alcohol out of me through my sweat holes.

The stone fence reminds me of the vast treeless plains of Kansas, where early settlers in need of fences figured out how to substitute limestone posts for wooden fence-posts. I planned to tell Kip and Rico about it when I got to the resting place, but by the time I get there, they are ready to head back down.

Back at camp, Kip takes on the role of chef and begins heating up a frying pan. My assumption is that more fish filets from the coolers will soon be bubbling in hot oil, but when I chance to Iook, I see a horrifying pink composition suitable for a constructivist painting.

Kip is smiling like a mystic in the throes of a beatific vision as he deftly sorts the pink cubes with tongs.

 

I choose a smiling expression for my face which I hope will temporarily act as a mask. Meanwhile I am in turmoil. Did I ruin my brain yesterday? Did I permanently alter my baseline reality? Everything seems normal, but instead of fish, for some reason, I think I see Spam!

I turn to Rico, hoping to see how he is reacting, but he is wearing a smile like an evil Stephen King clown. He is somehow able to see through my fake smile and he whispers, “What’s the matter? You’ve never seen Spam before?”

I play along and we make our elaborate tacos as usual. They become the best Spam tacos I have ever eaten. Do these qualify as three species tacos, we wonder? But really, there is no telling how many species might be in Spam.

 

The next morning, we pack up camp and leave the Succor Creek camp area behind us. I ride shotgun with Kip while an actual shotgun rides shotgun with Rico. It isn’t long before one rabbit or another, sitting frozen in perfect camouflage, loses its nerve and breaks into a panicked sprint as the convoy bounces by. This only serves to bring them to Rico’s attention. Rico, in these instances, slams on the brakes and springs out of the truck, shotgun blazing. He is like an Old West gunslinger, except his quick-draw routine has the added complexity of an off-road vehicle element.

 

I never see the rabbit until I see Rico’s barrel pointing the way. Then, as I focus, I briefly see a fluid streak airborne, with a rhythm diametrically opposed to the mechanical bumping of a Jeep. It’s all muscles and the lever principle honed by millennia of galloping predators and swooping raptors - a masterpiece drafted by generations of masters - giving it a one-step advantage in a race for life - a race it can’t win in a hail of steel pellets.

There’s an explosion and my eyes flinch shut (they always flinch shut) and I smell the gunpowder. And when I open my eyes, there’s a breeze ruffling the soft belly fur of a still, quiet rabbit.

Rico has claimed another treasure from the Earth, and to make full use of it, he immediately field dresses it. He scolds me for taking a picture of the rabbit in its awkward state and yet this is a mystery I seldom have ever seen and can’t look away from - life so immediately gone. The body yet warm and supple - as if it were sleeping.

Rico does his work on a stone altar, next to a nameless creek…

 

 

…witnessed by anonymous trees.

 

We climb another long gradient out of a valley, up toward the crowning plateau, stopping briefly to allow the cars to cool.

 

Then we begin sifting our way down into the Owyhee River Canyon again, this time toward the lower end of the reservoir.

 

Here is the last stronghold for water in a parched landscape.

 

Here, the boat ramp still tickles the edge of the water.

 

And visitors have learned to bring their own shade with them.

 

No store is open at this place, but we do find a vending machine that dispenses ice and take full advantage of it.

 

That dam glory hole.

 

 

Down there out-of-frame off to the right is the dam bridge, and beyond that our next campsite along the river.

 

Slowly, the natives come out to greet us.

 

There are more than we first thought, hiding in plain sight. Later, when we break our food out, the lizards make a deal with us, offering to take care of the flies that pester us in exchange for seats around our stove.

 

We don’t make any friends with the fly-fishermen in these parts when it becomes evident we will be keeping our fish.

 

 

Rabbit adds a novel flavor to the evening’s two species tacos.

 

Tomorrow’s journey will last the better part of the day, and during that time we will be forced to ease our way back into the apocalyptic milieu we left behind. We will see snapshots in time of Oregon East to West, all in one day.

 

We will once again rejoin daily commutes - retrace the same path day after day - exchange our freedoms for paychecks which we will use to wrest back bits of freedom.

 

Multi-lane roads happen because of the demands of traffic. Lots of traffic requires a bigger infrastructure. And if a lot of people are on that road…well, there’s wisdom in crowds. Right?

Hawaii, Owyhee...uh, Böglands (Part Three)

 

 

The Montero lurches back and forth and sideways. Kip has become adept enough to accurately pick his way between the most aggressive rocks, but it is still a careful balancing act to maintain a speed slow enough to keep us from bouncing our heads off the ceiling, yet fast enough to keep Rico in sight..at least mostly in sight. Then again, it doesn’t pay to follow Rico too closely on account of the curtain of dust tossed up by his tires.

Once again we are approaching the edge of the canyon and once again we will be required to survey our resources and evaluate our prospects. Not having a vehicle, I’m not troubled much with these decisions beyond figuring out which driver is liable to kill me the most and lobbying to ride with the one who won’t. Fortunately, we’ve ridden rapids on wilderness rivers together, negotiated powerful tidal currents together, and together even stood at the edge of Rico’s conspicuously excessive campfires.Maybe all of this has simply fostered a false sense of security, but it might also be interpreted as a history of shared experiences that lead to trust.

Somewhere down there is our campsite. At this point, I feel it is important to add that this picture could have, besides expressing the drama of at least two adventurers facing their unknown futures, easily also been a marvelous advertisement for Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer (Want to sponsor us? Leave a note in the comments). We all drink it, and some of us drink it exclusively (We’re talking about you, water!). Just what do you think Rico and Kip have in their hands right now?

 

Imagine product placement like this…

 

Or this (see what we’ve done there? It says Drive Slowly and Enjoy BeEr!).

 

The path before us surrenders more and more of its area to encroaching vegetation and the grade becomes more pronounced.

 

But finally we begin to catch glimpses of the Owyhee River.

 

In a parched land, the shimmering, pulsing artery of blue and green is unmistakable, bringing the possibility of life to this vast landscape.

 

 

As the path grows narrower and as it begins to trace switchbacks into the hills in its effort to dip to the valley floor, we become aware that in places, we may find it difficult or impossible to turn around - that is, once we begin our decent, we may be forced to proceed forward unless, as a driver, you can tackle complicated off-road bits going backwards. So perched on the edge of Yoda’s proverbial, “...do or do not.” Rico elects to reconnoiter the route ahead on foot.

To me, the route looks kind of crazy. It straddles the pointy edge of a ridge that makes it look like Kip and Rico will be driving on the cutting edge of the curved blade of a scimitar.

And this I suppose, is the reason we go on these camping trips. Up until this point, you could say we’ve been on vacation. We’ve been on a guided tour. We’ve visited spots along the way, like you do on the way to Disneyland. But now, just maybe, there’s a chance that this can all turn into an adventure. We don’t know exactly where we will camp. We don’t know exactly how or if we’ll get there. We’ve found a place to step into the unknown - a place where we can take calculated risks and the results will depend on the quality of our decisions and our skills.

 

 

Now, instead of the mediators our culture has devised to serve as a safety net, we will be dealing more directly with the Earth. Granted, we aren’t exactly adrenaline junkies, but I feel it is correct to say that finding that primal connection - fitting more closely into the Eco-system - slipping back into the food chain - somehow it feeds latent appetites.

Our day-to-day media-rich environment is saturated with memes that implore us to “Boldly go where no one has gone before” or “...take the road less traveled”, or “Don’t follow any path at all…but make a trail”. Cinema, literature, music, they all have substantial road-trip genres. Even our earliest stories, our scriptures and our myths tell of adventurers and quests and God imploring patriarchs to step into unknown futures.

 

 

“...Mellow is the man who knows what he’s been missing

Many, many men can’t see the open road…”

- Led Zeppelin 

 

 

If all goes well, we assume we’ll soon be passing by that lone shrub down below.

 

 

 

 

It seems the Owyhee has meandered back and forth across the wide valley floor for a very long time. The place it has settled in for now is far away from the picturesque canyon walls. The river wears a delicate necklace of grasses and shrubs and opportunistic trees. We find a small stand of trees with healthy canopies and set up camp.

 

 

Up river, the road terminates in an abandoned ranch. The canyon stretches around a bend and on out of sight.

 

 

Tall grasses grow along the river and hide its banks in shade…

 

Photo Credit: Rico

 

…and Uncle Rico quickly sets about filling up his stringer.

 

Photo Credit: Kip

 

For a change, I try to remember how to clean fish without asking Rico again.

 

 

Kip and Rico have already begun setting up the kitchen.

 

 

Rico deep fries the batter-dipped small-mouth bass.

 

 

Kip acts as bartender.

 

Fish Taco (One species, two if you count avocado as a species)

Now that we are in the canyon, the temperature at night is much warmer. Even so, the increase in insects spurs Kip to break out his tent.

Deb catches the four Galilean Moons careening around Jupiter

...to be continued...

PART 4: Hawaii, Owyhee...uh, Boglands (Part Four) 

Have you missed any previous installments?

PART 1: Hawaii, Owyhee...uh, Boglands (Part One)

 

PART 2: Hawaii, Owyhee...uh, Böglands (Part Two)